Sugar Highs and Movies
by the-nerd-has-arrived
Summary: DaniCullen12 Challenge. Way more random than you would expect. But not too random. You'll see.
1. Chapter 1

"OOH OOH

A Parody of Random things (aka DaniCullen12 Challenge)

Disclaimer: don't own Twilight, Lonely by Akon, that skittles commercial, The Wizard of Oz, the everybody's nerves song, or that one SPLAT trick

"OOH OOH!! Jacob look at this new trick I learned!!" Embry said.

"This is Embry. Embry says hi. This is Embry when a car goes by… SPLAT!! HAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!! You get it?" Jacob knew it was a bad idea to give Embry that box of pixie-sticks, but then again…the six-pack of soda _did_ help.

"I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves. I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves, and this is how it goes. I know-"

"Embry!! Just shut up!! _You're _getting on everybody's nerves!!"

That's the point!! Duh? And I thought you were dumb."

"What?" said Jacob. He went to the kitchen and grabbed a squirt bottle and brought it to Embry's face.

"Now, now Jacob. If you squirt that, Embry dies." Jacob squirted him in the face and Embry did the impossible.

"I'm melting!! No! No! Save me before I go to the sewer!! Jacob!! This is all your fault!! I'll never forget this!!" His remains gathered into a puddle and Jacob stood shocked at what he had done. Sam wasn't going to be happy about this.

He mopped it up and shoved it in the trash can. Then he heard a squeaky voice go,"Lonely, I am so lonely. I've got nobody. All on my own. Oooooh da-da-da. I forgot the rest of these words that go to the tune of this awesome song. I got thrown into the trash can oh no. Poor Jacob and Embry now they're lonely." Jacob burst into hysterics.

"L-lon-lonelyyyyy. I'm Mr. lo-lonely! All on my own!! Wait, if I'm alone then whose singing?" He checked everywhere. He looked in the refrigerator, a lot. Come on a man's got to eat! Besides, one time the fridge spoke to him. It said mmm. He looked in the trash can and there they were. An army of mini Embrys. How did this always happen to him? The world may never know.

He scooped up all the minis out of the trash and put them in a pot. He put it on boil to stir them together. They melted together and he put them in his Jell-O-into-Man converter. Hey, it had to come in handy someday. He came out in the nude before Jacob groaned.

"Please, just get me out of this torture!!" He handed Embry a towel. But, the towel turned into skittles (A/N you know where I'm going with this) Jacob started calling random phone numbers until he had an audience.

Jacob said," Behold, the magical stuff-into-skittles-turner-guy."

Embry went to pick up the phone when it shattered into a hundred skittles. He got mad and hit the wall and it was raining skittles as the whole house shattered.

"Come on pay up peoples. This house ain't cheap." Jacob got a guy's watch, a girl's phone number, 20 bucks, and a pocketful of skittles.

"Man that load is sweet!!" Embry said, "Who's the girl?" He touched the slip of paper and of course, it turned into skittles.

"Aww, but she was hot!!" Embry went into a pout, "I'm not happy."

Jacob then woke up from his pixie stick nightmare.

"Man, I've got to stop eating these"


	2. Charlie the Copicorn

A/N I have been trying to find a proper category for this like forever. So I finally decided to write this under a different story. Charlie the Cop-icorn. Ring any bells? All human. Had this written months ago, but it was like a play. I have to make it story-like. None of the lines in here.

Disclaimer: I am not Jason Steele or Stephenie Meyer, but the not so minor alterations I made are mine.

Charlie the Cop-icorn

It was a quiet day in the Swan residence, or as quiet as it could be, when out of nowhere two teenage girls appeared. One with long, wavy hair and a purple hat. The other had short pixie-like hair and a pink hat. They wore the same green shirt with the words "sugar loaded" and red pants.

They snuck up to the man sleeping on the couch and purple hat girl went,"Hey Charlie!!"

Pink hat girl went," Hey Charlie wake up!"

Purple said, "Yeah you silly cop-icorn, wake up!"

Charlie said, "Argh, who are you?! What are you doing in my house!! Oh wait…Bella... did you get into my candy stash again?"

Bella gave a small hiccup and a grin that could rival a five-year-old's. Alice said," Of course not Charlie!! We just found a map to McDonald's!! They're making a new one!! We want to go!!"

"Sure, I'm just gonna go back to my nap." said Charlie. He had a busy night the day before and he was tired. If you bugged him enough while he was tired, he'll bite.

"Bu-bu-bu-bu-but why not? Why don't you come with us?" asked Bella.

"It's a land of toys…and fries…and fryness," said Alice. She loved a good French fry.

Charlie said," Please stop pinching me."

"But you're not wearing green, and everyone knows you wear green on Valentine's Day!!" said Bella.

"Do we have to go over colors again Bella? Besides, you wear green on St. Patrick's day." Charlie had to push his patience to be able to take care of Bella sometimes.

"Oh…Well you're not wearing purple either." Charlie smacked his head on his hand and Bella asked, "Why'd you do that?"

Alice interrupted," We're getting off the subject. This week they're putting up a slip 'n' slide when it rains!! It rains everyday!! Do you know what that means?! Slip 'n' slide everyday!!"

"Slip 'n' slide? Okay I'm going, but I'm not wearing my floaties." said Charlie.

They all hopped in the car, but unfortunately it was out of gas. They only knew what street it was on so they had no directions. They ended up in the middle of town with no clue where the McDonald's was.

"Our first stop is over here Charlie!!" said Bella.

"What first stop? We're just going to McDonald's."

"Well in order to be eligible for the treasure, we have to go to the stops," said Alice.

"Okay. But what _is _that?" asked Charlie.

"It's _our _candy stash," said an insane Bella. The stash was in no shape whatsoever and was smack in the middle of a tree. The tree however, got up and started saying, or mumbling, gibberish.

"It has spoken _and _told us the way!" Alice stated.

"Aw, you stole my line!! Hey where'd she go?" said Bella.

"BOO!!" Alice popped up from the tree and scared Bella. Bella had a heart attack and died. The end. Just kidding. Bella got up and kicked Alice. They started to leave.

"WAIT!! What was it… oh yeah? It didn't say anything!!" said Charlie. You'd swear these things were rehearsed.

After going around the same block FIVE TIMES they ended up on Main Street.

"It's just over this street Charlie! Thi-

"-s magical street of gum and potholes!!" finished Bella.

"Now you stole mine!!" said Alice.

"WILL YOU TWO STOP FIGHTING!! Gosh you're worse than Yin and Yang!!" said Charlie. I don't know about you, but I say he's about to bite.

Bella asked, "Wait… isn't that like peace or something?"

"No silly! He means Yin and Yang from Yin, Yang, Yo!!" Alice said. She was _very _well connected as you can tell.

"Oh."

"Look we're here!!" said Alice.

Bella started singing a jingle," McDonald's, McDonald's, fill me with crispy, salty, French fries."

"You know, I think I heard something like that on You Tube. What was it? Barry the Platypus! No…Barney the Unicorn. Charlie the Unicorn!!" Wow. Talk about epiphany of the year.

"Don't be silly Charlie!!" said Alice. She hid a suspicious smile.

"Besides, by now your liver would already be gone!" Aren't they getting a little suspicious?

"But I thought they took his kidney," said Charlie.

"Did I say liver? I meant kidney!!" said Bella. Now she looked like one of those women that need rehab. Badly.

Alice quickly changed the subject," Oh look, they ran out of Happy Meal toys. Let's get Big Macs instead."

"No they didn't. They're right there." said Charlie.

"Shun the non-believer," said Alice.

"Shun," said Bella while making that "shame on you" cross.

"Will you two shut up!!" said Charlie.

"As long as you eat a Big Mac," said Alice. Their evil plan was developing.

"As long as it shuts you up!" said Charlie. They ordered three Big Macs and waited. Their order was up and Bella went and grabbed it. What Charlie didn't notice was the suspicious powder stuffed in his. He took a bite and passed out.

"Come on. Let's take his liver before the cops come. Alice?"

Alice took a bite of the Big Mac and said," Wow! This is delicious!"

"What are you doing?! That's the spiked one remember?" said Bella.

"Oh yeah!" exclaimed Alice. She fell to the ground as the McDonald's was surrounded by cops.

"Oh boy."

The alarm rang through the silence of the bedroom. Bella got up, shook her head and said, "Wow that was weird." Amazing what a lost bet could do to your dreams.


	3. The Movies! not really

Disclaimer: don't own blah blah blah.

A/N Just random talk. Cullens in next chap. I'm on a roll! Sweet.

"Hey Jacob! How's it going?" asked Bella. It had been a while since she had called him and after yesterday's get-together, she needed someone to talk to.

"I've been better. I'm looking for Embry everywhere and I can't find him. After last night's dream, I don't want to take any chances." he answered.

"You too? I had this freaky dream about Charlie and McDonald's. What was yours about?"

"Nothing in particular. A sugar-loaded Embry, skittles powers, and army of mini-Embrys and a whole load of other junk."

"Want to catch a movie with me? I heard that Eragon came out."

"Sure, but my friend said it sucks."

"Shame shame Jacob, never judge a book by its movie."

"What? There's a book?"

"Yeah?"

"So…why did you have that dream? I had a ton of pixie sticks. I was bored so I wanted to see what would happen,"

"I lost a bet. So, I had to play truth or dare with Mike. He asked me out for truth, which isn't really a question you know. I said no and he thought I was lying. Then he made me do the dare. Of course it was to kiss him. Angela intervened and said that's not a dare. She made me chug a six pack of Mountain Dew instead."

"Nice."

"That's not the best part. When I got up off the couch I let off a monster belch. It was embarrassing but I don't think Mike wanted to kiss me after that. Shows him right. So what about that movie? We can laugh at it?"

"Sure, or we can go over to the Cullen's house and have a tea party."

"Ha ha. I'm serious. Let's call it a Bad Movie Sunday, okay? That way we have to go but don't want to."

"What happened to Bella? Is she sick or is that caffeine kicking in?"

"What about Jacob? Is he having a sarcasm entree with a side dish of mean?"

"Well, Jacob says that the restaurant was out of happy dishes."

"Bella says that Jacob woke up on the wrong side of the couch this morning."

"Jacob thinks that the couch is too small to actually wake up on a wrong side."

"Bella thinks that La Push kids should stop having growth hormones put in their system. Jacob for one example mixed two bad things. Sugar and growth hormones."

"Jacob thinks Bella pushed it too far."

"Well Bella thinks that Jacob shouldn't go to Bad Movie Sunday with her."

"Noooooooo! That's too far. Why don't you go with your "boyfriend" instead? I'm sure Mike would want another chance."

"Fine."

"Fine."

"I'm going with Mike."

"If he pukes because of a paper cut, it's your responsibility. Remember that."

"He won't puke because it'll be my bloody forehead that he'll be freaking out over!"

"And how exactly do you plan on getting a bloody forehead? Tripping?"

"That's exactly what I'm talking about! If only my feet didn't have a crush on themselves and my face with the floor, I wouldn't fall half as much! Now you see the real dilemma!!"

"There's no way you're going to get a bloody forehead without me to protect you," said Edward. Edward? How did he get into this conversation? Oh yeah. Three way phones.

"Edward?"(A/N takes place in New Moon)

"Yes my love?"

"What the heck are you doing in this private conversation? Jacob and I were discussing a real problem, not a silly thing such as you moving away!!"

"Well what's this problem of yours?"

"Bad Movie Sunday."

"Are you serious?"

"Yep."

"Wow. If my relationship is not important to you, then no. I'm not moving back to Forks."

"Okay."

"Okay? You're just going to leave it at okay? You need help. I'm coming over right now."

"What the heck just happened?" asked Jacob. Actually, what _did _just happen? Okay I'm confused. Let me figure this out……………Got it.

"Nothing Jacob," answered Bella," we were just having a random conversation. So… you want to go to that movie?"

"Sure. Eragon it is. But Mike isn't coming, and I'm catching you when you fall."

"No. I am."

"I am."

"I am."

"I am."

Bella hung up the phone. This was going to be fun. She decided to call Mike to get Jacob mad, but she also wanted to see him puke.

"Hey Mike, do you want to catch a movie?"

"Sure."

"I'll meet you at Port Angeles tomorrow for the 5:00 show. Bring twenty bucks with you."

"Why?"

"You're paying."

"Tickets are only a dollar. How many people are coming?"

"Well, knowing the conversation that's going on in the other line, I'd say the Cullens and the La Push guys. So… let's see. Dun dun dun...10...11...12...15...umm. Wait, I ran out of fingers. I'd say with the size of some guys, we'd take up the whole theater. So about 15-20."

"Oh great."

"You thought we were going alone? You're weirder than I thought. See you there!"

"Why do _I_ always have to pay?"

Meanwhile, on the other line…

"No you're more awesome!"

"No you!"

"I love you man!"

"I love you too!"

"You rule!"

"No you rule!"…

A/N I just wanted a filler chapter. :-)


	4. The Movies! Yes really

A/N I had to whip out Eragon for this one!! I caught a cold!! Finally!! I caught something!! The beginning is a little boring, but it gets better.

Disclaimer: Not Stephenie Meyer!! Or Christopher Paolini!! Or the director of Eragon!!

They all arrived at the movie theater. But Mike didn't bring enough money for all of them. After an hour of searching for spare change on the bus, they finally had enough money. And a stink bomb. You never know when those come in handy.

They managed to squeeze all but one into the theater, and people couldn't see over the heads of the Quileutes. After about five minutes, the Quileutes decided to go away. The only ones there, at least the ones important to this challenge, were Jacob, Mike, and the Cullen family.

They were arriving to a part in the movie when Alice started looking strangely at Edward. No, not THAT way. Finally she blurted out," Have you ever noticed that Edward kind of looks like Cornelius from _Thumbelina_. Minus the wings"

Emmett burst out laughing with his booming laugh. Shushes came from all over the room.

"I'm not kidding!! Does he or doesn't he?"

We all muttered yeahs and Edward was looking at us like we were crazy.

"Well, who here thinks that Alice looks like Tinker Bell with black hair?" said Edward. He was never good at burns.

"No. You see, the haircut is much more different and the eyes are a little too wide," explained Rosalie. "Green is also out of season, and Alice wouldn't be caught alive wearing a color out of season."

"Why do I even try?" asked Edward.

"Because you haven't conceived the idea in that mile-thick cranium of yours that your comebacks are not funny and we stop burning when you start, but the fact that you can't burn is as inconceivable to you as the fact that Bella wants to be changed," answered Emmett. Everyone stared at him like he was insane. He had never used words _that _big. Rosalie turned to him and kissed him full on the mouth. Well this _was_ a movie theater. I had to fit this in somewhere.

Everyone went and focused on the movie making obscene or retarded comments here and there. Such as calling Zar'roc "zee rock" in silly accents. Everyone except Mike. You might as well have taken him to a blood drive. He was staring at the screen like he was possessed.

"Blood…Sorry, I'm kinda squeamish." said Mike. Everyone looked at him with an expression that was screaming _You think!!_

It was a battle scene between the shade and Eragon. Of course there was going to be blood. What was Mike thinking? We were going to a showing of Care Bears? Near the end, Mike got up and excused himself to the bathroom.

One by one the boys all filed out to watch the show in the men's room.

"Why couldn't we be men?" asked Alice.

""Isn't it obvious?" asked Rosalie," It's because it would involve too many surgeries!!"

"True."

The movie ended just as the guys came back. On the way out though, Bella tripped on her shoelace. Jasper caught her in mid-air before she hit the ground. Jacob and Edward were staring at the scene in shock.

"I told you I would fall!" said Bella," It's kind of obvious!!"

"But neither of us caught you!" whined Jacob. Emmett grabbed the stink bomb that was in his pocket and shoved it in Mike's bag.

"Here Mike," he said handing the bag to Mike. He took the bag before whacking it on the way out. The bomb set off and everyone died. The bomb was real! It didn't come in handy either.

The end.

Not really.

As they were getting in the car, the stink started to get stronger and stronger. Don't forget that they had to squeeze in there! The ones that had to breathe were pretty much dying in there. Everyone learned that night that when Mike gets scared, he also gets gassy, if you know what I mean.

By the time they got to La Push to drop the pack off, their eyes were watering. For some obvious reason, all the Cullens were glaring at Emmett. Then it clicked in Bella's head.

"Emmett!! I need to breathe!! Remember! Human. Not. Vampire!" screamed Bella. Edward was looking at Emmett with a smirk on his face as Bella gave him an earful. An earful? An ear full of what? Screaming of course.

No wonder werewolves hate vampires. Especially the coven.

Then, Bella started to zone out. She was thinking about what April Fool's Day would be at the house. Then, she zoned out again, but this time, she was thinking about her secret love. Shoe buckles. They didn't trip you, were her style, and would bug Alice incessantly about them being out of fashion. They were _perfect_.

Bella had that look on her face that Alice has when she's having a vision, so naturally Alice thought she was offending her. Alice gave that look of shock that cheerleaders give in movies and slapped Bella.

"What did you do that for?" questioned Bella.

"You were making fun of me!"

"How'd you know?" asked Bella, obviously thinking of shoe buckles.

"That look on your face!!"

"Oh." She looked over at Edward to make sure he wasn't jealous. Actually, he was smiling. _What? _she thought. _They're weirder than I thought. _

"Whatcha smiling about?" Bella said. She was creeped out by the fact that her boyfriend wasn't freaked out by her love.

"I didn't know you had a sense of humor!"

"You haven't been listening to our phone conversations have you? Besides, I'm not joking."

"What do you mean?"

"I'm in love."

"I know."

"But not with you."

Edward gave a puppy pout at Bella. "You don't…like me?"

"No no no no no no no! Don't get me wrong. I like you, just that I like something more."

Edward burst out in sobs. He ran off to who knows where with the car keys in his pocket.

"Wait come back!" screamed Bella.

"No! I'll never come back!" replied Edward. He ran off into the forest. You swear you heard a scream. He probably saw a butterfly somewhere.

"So… How are we getting home?" asked Alice. "I _can't _walk in these heels."(A/N poor, poor Alice)

"Isn't it obvious?" said Rosalie.

"Nope."

"I'll hotwire the car!"

_Oh joy. AND she's driving! _thought Alice. Well, at least she was good with cars.

Rosalie hotwired the car and you heard the soft purr of the engine.

"Who goes first?" she asked. Everyone backed up.

"Wait... How did you know how to hotwire that car?" asked Emmett.

"I practiced with yours silly!" replied Rosalie.

"WHAT!!" bellowed Emmett, "YOU MESSED WITH MY CAR!! GOODBYE ROSE!!" He stormed off into the forest and Bella was pretty sure she heard another scream.

"All that's left is you and me," said Alice, turning to Jasper as she said so. Jasper gave the look that baby lemur gave in Madagascar and burst out sobbing. As he sobbed, he walked in random directions until he landed in the forest.

"That was weird." said Alice.

"Well he _is_ emotional," replied Rosalie. Alice glared at her.

"How about we trash Edward's car?" said Bella. She wanted payback after the way he treated her before.

"Sure!" Alice grabbed a baseball bat from her purse (don't ask) and started denting the hood of the car. Meanwhile, Rosalie got some pink nail polish and started drawing on the windows. Bella started chewing big wads of gum and sticking it everywhere in the interior. Rosalie took off the dented hood and started to rip off all the exterior of the car, which defeated the point of denting it.

However, Edward came back.

"WHAT THE FUDGE DID YOU DO TO MY CAR!!" he screamed. He could be such a spaz sometimes.

"Umm…It's not what it looks like?" explained Alice.

"Yes it is!!" screamed Edward. Well what _did_ it look like? Don't know.

"Umm…" started Rosalie," Oh look! A bird!" Edward turned around and Alice hit him in the head with the bat. But instead of Edward falling to the ground, the bat splintered.

"That didn't work like it was supposed to."

Edward was still mad. Wonder what happens next? Keep reading! Duh!

Rosalie ran and Edward chased after her. Alice and Bella however, stayed where they were while watching the scene unfold.

"Let's take the car before Ed notices," said Bella. Alice gave a small nod and they jumped into the still running car and took off into the distance.

"This has got to be the weirdest car on the highway," said Alice," I think I got gum on my pants!! EWW!!"

"Sorry!" answered Bella.


	5. The Cullen House

Disclaimer: I think it's pretty obvious I don't own by now, besides, if I did, I would have the actual Twilight books in my house

Disclaimer: I think it's pretty obvious I don't own by now, besides, if I did, I would have the actual Twilight books in my house. I don't have any sniff sniff.

Alice and Bella got home to find everyone waiting for them.

"Wha- how- huh? I'm confuzzled (A/N I love that word!!)," said Bella. Everyone looked at her like it was obvious.

"We took the bus!" explained Emmett.

"Oh. Why didn't we do that? We got pulled over by Charlie and he burst out laughing. It was embarrassing," said Alice.

"Because we're confuzzled!! Forever!!" said Bella.

They went inside the house. Except for Rosalie and Edward. Edward was making Rosalie fix his car.

Emmett turned on the TV instead of video games. It was all part of a video game rehabilitation program he went to. There were flashing commercials as he changed the channels.

He finally stopped at the cartoon channel and a familiar commercial popped up. Emmett started bouncing up and down in his seat. Everyone else rolled their eyes. Bella was looking at the sight in amusement.

Emmett started singing in a very off-pitch voice, _"Well I was shopping for a new car, which one's me? A cool convertible or an SUV. Too bad I didn't know my credit was whack, 'cause now I'm driving off the lot in a used subcompact. F-R-E-E that spells free, credit report dot com baby. Saw their ads on my TV, thought about going but was too lazy. Now instead of looking fly and rollin' fat. My legs are sticking to the vinyl and my posse's getting laughed at. F-R-E-E that spells free, credit report dot com baby!"_

"That's not the cool one!" protested Bella.

"This one is!" She started to sing in a better pitched voice," _They say a man should always dress for the job he wants. So why am I dressed up like a pirate in this restaurant. It's all because some hacker stole my identity! Now I'm in here every evening serving chowder and iced tea. Should have gone to free credit report dot com. I could've seen this coming at me like an atom bomb. They monitor your credit and send you e-mail alerts! So you don't end up selling fish to tourists in t-shirts."_

"Touché, young one. But can you beat this?"

He started again,"_ Na na na na. Na na na na. Na na na na. Na na na na. Na na na na. Na na na na. Na na na na. Na na na na. I work at Burger King making flame broiled Whoppers. I wear paper hats. Would you like an apple pie with that? Would you like an apple pie with that? Ding fries are done. Ding fries are done. Ding fries are done. Ding fries are done. I gotta run. I gotta run. I gotta run. I gotta run. Don't bob for fries in hot fat. It really hurts bad. And you do skin grafts. Would you like an apple pie with that? Would you like an apple pie with that? Where is the bell? Wait for the bell. Can't hear the bell. Where is the bell? Ding fries are done. Ding fries are done. Ding fries are done. Ding fries are done. I work at Burger King making flame broiled Whoppers. I wear paper hats. Would you like an apple pie with that? Would you like an apple pie with that? Ding fries are done. Ding fries are done. Ding fries are done. Diiiing friies aaaare doooone."_

"That was awesome!" said Bella, "beat this though."

"_Where's shopping mall? There's shopping mall. Things that are small. Bob's big and tall. Where's Chinese food? There's Chinese food. Spicy chicken wing. Chicken almond ding. Ding-dong ding-dong. Traffic's a mess. There's no distress. Find a new way, with no delay. Bluetooth is on. Call the salon. Need a waxing now. Got a unibrow. Give a give a give a give a garmin. Give a give a give a give a garmin. Screen, clear and wide. Whole world inside. . ."_

"You guys could stop now," said Esme.

"Yes it's getting a little annoying," agreed Carlisle.

"_It must have been a typo, a typo, a typo. It must have been a typo. It can't be true! 5 million deaths a year? Nah, 5 hundred maybe. The other several million? Still kicking baby!"_

"Shut up already!!" screamed Alice," Gosh you're giving me a migraine."

"You've won this round master," said Bella, before bowing down at Emmett's feet.

"Well done young one," Emmett replied. It started to sound a little like a Japanese ninja movie.

"Thank you master."

Edward went to the piano and started to play "Kung Fu Fighting". However, Bella and Emmett looked at him like he was crazy.

"No." said Emmett, "what did I tell you at the theater about your comebacks?"

Edward shamefully replied, "You stop when I start."

"The same thing happens when you play along. Now run along you silly child."

Edward went shamefaced into the meadow. (A/N poor Edward)

Bella went and followed him.

"You're a meanie!!" she screamed to Emmett.

Emmett burst out sobbing," But I was never trying to be a-a-a-a a meanie!"

"I'm sorry Emmett, but you hurt Edward."

Bella saw him at the meadow and he was counting petals on a flower. He saw Bella and said in a five-year-old voice," I think you're prettyful." He handed the flower to Bella and she took it, a faint blush creeping into her cheeks.

"I thinks yous cute," she replied. She handed him her lucky crayon. She won best drawing with that crayon in kindergarten. Edward grabbed a lock of Bella's hair and pulled gently.

"Whys yous do thats?" asked Bella, still adopting her baby voice.

"'Cause I thinks I likes you," answered Edward.

"Is gives yous a kiss okays?"

"Okay." answered Edward chuckling. Bella planted a small peck on his cheek and grabbed him into a hug. They layed down in the meadow, looking at the sky, bright stars twinkling in the distance.

Bella heard a bird call that reminded her of some thing. A police cruiser. Charlie!

"I have to go home," said Bella," It's getting late."

"Oh yeah. Charlie can't survive without your food huh?" asked Edward.

"There are plenty of leftovers, but he saw us on the highway in the messed up Volvo and I don't want him worrying about us in an accident."

"Okay. Do you want a ride?" asked Edward.

"How else am I going to get home?" said Bella. She hopped onto his back and they took off to the Cullen house. She layed her head in the crook of his neck and closed her eyes.

"I thinks yous really cutes," she muttered. Edward chuckled.

A/N I love kid talk. It's so cute! Songs in order are- Free credit report dot com, free credit report dot com pirate, Ding fries are done, 2007, and It must have been a typo.


	6. Sleepover!

Disclaimer: Too broke to own

Disclaimer: Too broke to own anything.

A/N I have brother's soccer game, orthodontist appointment, guitar lessons, and my parent's anniversary on one stinking day. Oh joy! Plus, my computer was having internet problems so this is definitely going to be late. I wrote this message at 6:55 p.m. mountain time, Tuesday June 3.

Bella got home to find Charlie on the couch sleeping. She shook him awake and he nearly fell off.

"What are you doing in my house?! Oh… what took you so long Bella?" said Charlie.

"The car broke down so we had to push for a while. Amazing how strong Alice is," answered Bella.

"By the way, can I stay at Alice's tonight? Besides, it's summer vacation!" asked Bella.

"Sure. Go ahead," said Charlie. You could ask to go bungee jumping and he'd still say yes as long as he was tired.

As Bella was heading out the door, Charlie told her," Fill up the tank on the way to the store honey!"

She saw Edward crawling into her window.

"What the heck are you doing? I'm staying at your place today!"

"Oh." He dropped down perfectly and Bella was staring at the scene, jealousy spread across her face.

"What?" asked Edward.

"I want to be able to jump like that without suffering any bodily harm," said Bella. Her lip curled in a pout.

Edward picked her up on his back and carried her to his car, but instead of leaving her in the passenger seat, he placed her in the driver's.

"You're driving then," Edward said. He tossed her the keys and they dropped to the floor.

"My funeral. I'll probably trip on the pedal while getting out, turn on the ignition, and hit a tree."

"Probably. But I'll take my chances. Alice doesn't have any visions." He hopped into the passenger seat and Bella turned on the car.

Amazingly, they got home safely.

Alice saw Bella and hugged her and took her to her room. She brought out her vanity and there was a display bigger than the one at the mall in Port Angeles.

"NO WAY!!" hollered Bella. She was done playing Barbie with Alice. However, with her vampire speed, she was already tied to a chair.

Alice said," You can do this the easy way, or the hard way. Personally I think the hard way's more fun, but it's illegal in most states including Puerto Rico."

"The easy way," said Bella. Alice untied her and Bella sat in the chair sulking with her arms crossed. Edward stood in the doorframe while Emmett was taking tons of pictures.

"Why so many?" asked Bella.

"Because I'm in yearbook and I need to pick the good ones. Duh!!"

Bella sat in shock before Edward went chasing after Emmett. Bella heard a crash and Edward yell," YOU BROKE MY PIANO!! YOU'LL PAY!!"

Bella heard another, although smaller, crash and Emmett was sobbing.

"I just passed the high score! NO!! Guitar Hero I love you! You too PS3!!" cried Emmett. Jasper came in to find the plastic guitar broken and said," Don't worry! I just got Rock Band!"

"Gimme gimme gimme!! But it won't work without the PS3!!" pleaded Emmett.

"But what about my piano?" asked Edward.

"Don't worry. Alice saw this so I got you a new one. Here," Jasper said, and handed him a Fisher Price xylophone.

"Ha ha. Very funny. Now where's the real one?"

"I didn't get one. You know I'm pathetic at choosing pianos!"

Edward was seething, "Tomorrow you and I are going to Seattle and buying a new one!"

Upstairs, Bella and Alice were giggling at what they had heard.

Edward heard them with his super vampire hearing and ran upstairs.

"I wouldn't be laughing if were you Bella." Emmett and Jasper caught up with him and started laughing at Bella's face. She had face mask on, but there were different colors all over her face. She looked like she belonged in the fashionista army.

"Shut up," said Bella," she overpowered me. Stupid pixie creature from…" grumbled Bella. Alice looked at her with a pout on her face and Bella, thinking Alice was going to cry said," Not in a bad way! Whatever I say about you is never in a bad way! You're too awesome!"

At this, Alice's face brightened considerably and she continued messing with Bella's face. By the end of the hour, Alice was done and Bella was happy to be free of Alice's clutches.

Edward stared at her and opened his mouth in shock.

"What happened to mud face?" he asked. Bella punched him in the arm before shrieking in pain.

"Are you okay!!" asked Edward. He took her hand before Bella exclaimed," Gotcha!"

"Dude you're whipped," said Emmett. Bella punched Emmett with her other hand.

"OUCH!! Are you made of steel!? Oh..." said Bella.

"This reminds me of a children's story," said Edward.

"I think it's The Boy Who Cried Wolf," answered Emmett.

Bella said," But I'm not a boy and I didn't say wolf! Duh! It's pretty obvious it's not that story!"

Emmett smacked his head with his hand, sort of like that V8 commercial.

"Why'd you do that silly?" asked Bella," Wow. Déjà vu."

Alice asked," Are you sure she's 18?"

"Not right now," Jasper said," more like…8."

"I agree. No wonder Rose hates her. She's pretending to be a dumb blonde," Emmett said.

"HEY!!" said Jasper. (A/N no offense to all blondes because you consist of nearly all my friends)

"He didn't mean that to you, Jazz. He meant those girls at school that obsess over Edward and not you,"consoled Alice. You've got to love Alice.

"Thanks for clearing that up," said Jasper," and here I was thinking that she called me dumb."

"No Jazz, she didn't," said Emmett. He loved to mess with Jasper's head.

"What? Are you using sarcasm?"

"Exactly."

"Stop that!"

"Stop what?"

"That!"

"What!?"

"Gah!!"

"What did I do?"

Everyone started cracking up except for Jasper and Bella because they still didn't get it.

"Let's ask Edward to play the piano!" said Bella.

"If you hadn't noticed, Emmett broke it," answered Jasper. He was starting to get annoyed.

"But the keys are still there silly!"

"Why do I even try?" said an exasperated Jasper. He slumped down into the couch and it ate him. What?

"What just happened?!" said a frenzied Alice.

"I think the couch just swallowed your boyfriend," said Emmett.

"How are we getting him back?"

"Well, I say one of us ties themselves to the stairs or something and goes after him, then when Emmett's done, we fish him back up," said Bella.

"But why me?" asked Emmett.

"Because you're dumb enough to do it!" said Alice.

"True."

"Let's do it then!"

Alice grabbed a large chain from the garage and tied it to the banister of the stairs. She made a figure-eight knot and tied Emmett along. He said his goodbyes and dove into the couch. But the couch remained still.

"What the heck!!" exclaimed Emmett. He sat down on the couch and said,"This is going to take some time," before the couch swallowed him up.

"_That _was weird," said Alice.

"Uh-huh," was all Rosalie could reply.


	7. In the couch

A/N My computer's internet isn't working but I'll post the rest of the chapters together.

Disclaimer:  
Hello you,  
I'm feeling blue,  
I lost my shoe,  
I don't own,  
So please, don't sue!

**Couch land**

"Whoa! What is this place?" asked Emmett. He saw someone playing a few yards with what appeared to be…

"OH MY GOSH!! VIDEO GAMES!!" He ran over and started playing them on the huge television screen in front of him. Then, it started to rain popcorn.

"If this is what heaven is like, I don't want to be a living dead forever!" exclaimed Jasper.

Next to him he saw Jasper, his eyes never leaving the huge screen he was playing on.

**The real world…**

"What do you think is taking so long?" asked Alice. She was still frantic.

She finally decided, after half an hour, to check it out herself. She got two ropes, so Jasper would have one too.

She sat down and she saw the two stuck on the video games. She tapped her foot impatiently before something appeared. Something she never thought she would see.

"No way," was all she could force out. There was a mall of course, but everything was free.

She ran inside and started to grab stuff like crazy. Her arms were full and a large truck appeared.

"This place knows everything!" She dumped everything she had in the truck and started driving it around the mall like a maniac. Jasper was starting to get a little worried somewhere in his subconscious, but was too brainwashed to notice.

**The real world…again**

"We're going to be the smart ones here okay?" said Edward.

"How?" asked Bella.

"Rose will sit on the couch, but before it swallows her, she'll put something like a crowbar in its mouth and come out by climbing the rope. Then we'll see what the problem is and pull them out," said Edward.

They proceeded with the plan and it worked like clockwork. Except for the fact that they didn't want to go. Alice insisted on carrying the truck while Jasper and Emmett wanted to take the numerous video consoles and games.

As she was being pulled up, Alice carried the truck by the edge. But when she surfaced, everything disappeared. She gave a large pout and nearly burst out in a tantrum.

When the same happened to Emmett and Jasper, they all collapsed into a heap of turmoil in the corner of the living room.

Edward, Bella, and Rosalie were standing above them, a look of disgust clear on their face, while Esme and Carlisle were trying to calm them down.

"Don't worry sweetie, we'll take you to the mall tomorrow," said Esme.

"You don't get it do you? Everything was…was…free!" explained Alice. Carlisle was having the same effect.

"We'll get you some new games boys," reassured Carlisle.

"But can you make it rain popcorn?" There was silence.

"I thought so," said Emmett.

"We-we-well…There was raining _popcorn_?" said a surprised Carlisle. He believed science was the answer to everything, but he was astounded about his recent discovery.

"Yes and we could eat it too!!"

"Umm…honey?" said Esme," I think we should sell the couch."

"Good idea dear."

"NO!" exclaimed the trio of vampires that had been in the couch.

"I'll never-"

"You can't-"

"But everything was-"explained all of them simultaneously.

"No buts!" said Esme.

"But we could eat!!" said Emmett.

"What? We definitely need to sell the couch now."

"NO!!"

Esme carried the couch into Emmett's car and drove off to the pawn shop in Port Angeles.

"Bye!" said Alice.

"We'll miss you couch!" said Jasper.

However, Emmett was sitting on the sidewalk crying. Poor Emmett. He really liked the couch.


	8. Too much to name

Disclaimer: don't own a thing especially in this chapter. But I own myself!

A/N This is the last chapter. School's out so I have plenty of time to do stuff but I want the story to end. sniff sniff Bye!  
(I finally discovered the line!)

* * *

As Esme took the couch to the pawn shop, she swore she heard something mumbling her name. More like squeaking her name actually.

"Esme! Esme! Don't take me there! We had a lot of good memories on me. Remember when Jasper spilled that soda on me? You had to clean it all up, and you would have done that work for nothing!" squeaked the couch," Don't get me started on what Rosalie and Emmett have done! That _still _gives me nightmares."

Esme slammed the brakes on Emmett's jeep and the couch slid about an inch. They arrived at the pawn shop and the man offered to help her carry the magic couch.

"How much do you want for it?" said the burly man.

"I don't care, I just want to get rid of it," she replied. She made a quick buck and left the pawn shop.

On the way home, she had a familiar scent. Of course, the children followed her to see where she took it.

She pulled over on the shoulder of the road. She pretended to have trouble with the car before she ran into the forest.

"OH CRAP!" bellowed Emmett. They all scattered into the darkness and Esme retreated back into the car. Her job was done.

However, when she got home, the house was surrounded by dust bunnies.

"CARLISLE!! WHAT THE HECK HAPPENED HERE!!" shouted Esme. Her usually perfect house was a mess.

"Well you see dear, this happened right after you took the couch. I guess without a hiding spot, the dust bunnies-" before he could finish, a rather large dust bunny jumped in his mouth. He spit it out and finished," took control."

"Bring me the vacuum. Alice, get the duster. Emmett, find the wood polish. Edward, grab some trash bags. We're going bunny hunting." Esme was barking out orders like an army general before she had half of the control of the house. The bunnies were reproducing like crazy! After half an hour, their defenses were faltering.

"I have an idea!" chirped Alice," How far is the nearest furniture store?"

"There's some old furniture in the garage," said Carlisle. Alice ran off into the garage and emerged carrying a large couch almost twice her size. The bunnies gathered at her feet, nearly tripping her in the progress. She set the couch in the living room and the bunnies swarmed under the couch.

"That was…odd," stated Emmett.

"Yep. But it worked!" said Alice.

"Hey where did Bella go?" asked Edward. You could hear a faint sneezing in the background. It almost sounded like it was coming from the hall closet. Edward opened the door and there stood a red-nosed Bella.

"I have allergies," said Bella," so I started looking for tissues. But I couldn't find any and ended up locked in here with some bunnies." She pointed to the ground and there were three calm bunnies around Bella's feet.

"How did you get them to calm down?" asked Edward.

"I scratched their ears? It's pretty obvious," answered Bella.

"Can we keep them Esme?" asked Alice.

"Yeah, look at their wittle faces," said Rosalie.

"Alright, but you have to pick up after them!" said Esme.

Alice took a bunny into her room and started to give it a makeover. Rosalie took another and started to feed it. Emmett grabbed the last one and was trying to teach it swear words.

"No, no, no. Shi- hello Esme!" Esme walked into the room to check for any extra dust bunnies. She gave Emmett a suspicious look before walking out of the room. Emmett continued his little lecture.

Downstairs, Bella and Edward were lying down on the couch.

"Edward?" asked Bella before stifling a yawn.

"Yes?"

"You know when I said I was in love with something else?"

"Let's not go back to that."

"Don't worry I got over it."

"What was it anyways?"

"Umm…" she whispered in his ear, "shoe buckles."

Edward gave a soft chuckle.

"Silly Bella, shoe buckles are for shoes."

"I know." She placed her head on his chest and fell asleep.

"I love you," whispered Edward.

"I know that too," mumbled Bella in her sleep.

"That was…odd."

"So what?" mumbled Bella, "No, don't take my wallet you sea monkey. I bite. Told you so. You should listen next time. Don't cry, I didn't mean to hurt you," she kept mumbling these oddities in her sleep. Edward kept paying more and more attention.

"No! Don't wanna go to the mall. Too many ways to trip." She was quiet for about five minutes and she started again," No Batman, the cave is _this _way. I'm telling you what I know! Fine! You go fight Joker on your own; I'm going to the cave and ordering pizza."

"Whatcha doing?" chirped Alice.

"SHH! Listen," said Emmett.

"Not such a good idea to have an invisible car was it? ME!! You were the one that said it was elusive and mysterious! How are we supposed to find it? Oh you _think_ you parked it here? Well guess what? You can't _think_ the car is visible either. It wasn't a good idea to go buy the groceries on Saturday was it? For all we know, it was towed!! If it is then you're paying the fine. ME!! You wasted all your money on weapons! Oh, so it's _my_ fault we don't have super powers? Why don't you get bitten by a radioactive spider? Better yet, go see if you can fly off a cliff. If you live, call me back."

"That's…strange," said Alice.

"She needs to go into comedy," said Emmett.

"Listen!" Edward all but screamed. Bella was startled and woke up.

"Umm…How much did you guys hear?" asked Bella.

"Enough to freak me out. Seriously Bella, Batman?" said Jasper.

"We-well Charlie was watching the cartoons the other day and…yeah."

"What about the sea monkeys?" asked Edward.

"Don't ask. How long have I been talking?"

"About an hour, why?"

"Oh great, my night's not even half over." She snuggled closer to Edward's chest and everyone went into the kitchen to talk.

Bella heard glimpses of what they said. "When she falls asleep…","that was…strange", and "let's go again" were just a couple she heard. She went back to sleep, but this time she dreamt a silent dream, something that the coven didn't really enjoy.

At about three in the morning, she woke up to the explosion of the door.

"Bella run!" screamed Edward. She tried to run into the forest but noticed the hundreds of characters in the front lawn. She managed to get into the forest after snapping out of it.

Meanwhile in the Cullen residence, they were having some problems.

"Umm… is this the Potter residence?" asked a creepy man in black robes.(A/N Don't you just love my imagination?)

"No. Ooh ooh!! You're Voldemort!" Emmett said excitedly.

"Why do you- well _everyone _knows me," he said chuckling at himself," Anyways, you shall all die tonight."

"But-"started Alice.

"No buts young lady, you're all dying. _Avada Kedavra!_" screeched Voldemort, but instead of collapsing to the ground, Alice stood where she was, tapping her foot impatiently. He tried again, but nothing happened.

"WHY ISN'T THIS WORKING!!"

"Well I was about to tell you we're already dead, but _no_ you just _had _to interrupt," said Alice.

"WHAT!! You're already dead? How can this be?"

At that moment, three people stepped into the room. Their faces looked grim as if they had expected something bad to have happened in the house. However, those faces turned into shock as they saw the people inside talking.

"Er…You guys aren't dead?" asked a red-haired lanky boy.

"Oh! You guys are Harry, Ron, and Hermione!" exclaimed Emmett," and yes, we are."

"HUH?" asked Ron.

"I think what they're saying is that they're a group of vampires," said Hermione.

"And you know this how?" asked Harry.

"I'm a bookworm; I'm supposed to know anything!"

"If you know everything, then what did I have for dinner last night?" asked Ron.

"I cooked you dolt, and it was-"

"We get the point," interrupted Emmett.

"Why are you here?" asked Edward.

"Well… we don't know. We suspect the author created a universe where all the fictional book characters converge into one story," answered Hermione," and that story happens to be yours."

"Okay? Could you repeat that?" said Emmett. Jasper smacked his face on his hand.

Bella entered the living room.

"Umm guys, we have a problem," she said.

"We noticed," said Jasper. Alice looked out the window in boredom and there were tons of fictional characters scattered across the lawn.

"OMG!! It's Charlie!!" Emmett ran outside and hugged the not-too-happy unicorn.

"Just wondering Emmett, but when did you start using omg?" asked Alice.

"ROTFLOL Al, lik 4eva!"

"_Okay_. That was so not like you," she said (note the sarcasm). She went off and hugged her magical friends.

"Tinker Bell!! It's been so long!" exclaimed Alice.

"How can we fix this?" asked Edward.

"They've been that way forever," answered Jasper.

"No not Alice and Emmett. The whole fictional characters together thing."

"Oh. Let's ask the author. Umm… author? How do we fix this?" asked Jasper.

I said," Well… I don't know. I just wanted to play with the characters a bit, but I don't know how to put them back together. How about I end the story? That's the easiest way. Or you could find a time warp for each and every one of the characters so they end up in their rightful story. It's your choice."

"The easy way duh!" answered Emmett. Well you guys heard it; the characters want to close the story. I'm sorry I couldn't say a proper goodbye! Wait…look at the A/N at the beginning. Bye! I know it sounds rushed and stuff but that's just my writing.


End file.
